She's Gone

Today my daughter boarded a bus with eighty other elementary-aged children and headed for camp.

Camp. That glorious week of summer where problems vanish, insecurities fade and life is bliss. Pure bliss. 

Fun from dawn 'til dark. Snacks, swimming and sports all day long. Games, songs and campfires await.

But mostly, The Reason. Julia knows the reason she's at camp. That reason is the same as the reason she was created. To worship her Savior.

Would you join me in prayer this week holding her up to the throne of the One we worship?

I'm praying God would meet her in a new way. Show her some of the plans he has for her and made for her life before the foundation of the world. Show her how her passions can bring him glory.

I'm praying Ephesians 3:17-19

My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

I'm praying because going to summer camp each year changed my life. Camp is where God proved his unending love to a mess of a little girl. Camp is where God reminded a scared and lonely child that God would never leave her. Camp is where God took a self-centered, confused teen and made her into one firmly planted in his love. 

Camp.

It changed me. Every single time I got on that rickety old bus, God prepared me for something. He showed me glimpses of my heart...and his. He revealed my dreams...and his. He saw me there...and I saw him.

Pray for my baby.

And for my nephew who got on that rickety old bus with his cousin...and his Lord.

It Rocked

Soccer camp rocked. At least that's what Julia said when I asked her how it was.

She did an amazing job receiving an outstanding player award and MVP for two days. She improved lots and fell in love with the game she loves even more.

Her coach told her what he loved about her more than anything else is her aggressive nature. She plays a fierce game. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

If she's on the field with you...Beware of elbows in your side, feet between your legs and legs tangled in your own. 

This year she has learned that she loves playing defender. That's the position for her, thank you. She is developing quickly with the programs we are involved in this summer.

Actually, she just told me that when she grows up she wants to play soccer and read.

Awesome.

In honor of...

In honor of soccer camp. I am re-posting on Julia's first season of soccer. She is having a ball this week, a soccer ball that is.

Out in the hot, hot, hot Texas sun for six hours each day, she comes home and what? That's right, plays more soccer. She has learned so much and already won some awards but you'll just have to come back this weekend to hear all about that. 

For now, remember her first season where her team won nary a game. Remember her excitement to finally play the game she thought she loved before she ever tried it. That's okay because she was right! 

We just finished up soccer season. Yay! I love playing games in seasons. This is so much nicer than the one hour a week lessons we have had in the past. One hour each week for nine or ten months is very tiring. Soccer season lasted three days a week for eight weeks. Now we have a magical break. Rest. No practice. No games. No hourly, weekly lessons. Ahhh!
Julia did a really great job. She's been sleeping with her soccer ball for a whole year in an effort to get us to allow her to play this team sport. She convinced us. She loved it. She's a natural.

She loved playing forward. She loved being in the action. She was in her coach's words, "The new girl that won't stay back. No matter where she's told to stand she goes further into the action!" That's pretty much who she is in life. One who seeks the action. One who can't seem to stay back. (Yes, we are praying!)

When she played goalie she would see what needed to be done on the field and forget she was supposed to stay in the box and try to run on the field to kick the ball.

When she played fullback she would forget she wasn't the goalie and try to stop the ball with her hands or even with her body! She really gets into the game. She's competitive. She's aggressive. She's fierce.
She certainly doesn't get any of those skills from me! Team sports was not my thing. I love to watch her play. She's confident. She's enthusiastic. She loves to run. She loves to compete. She has the greatest fun doing it.

She has a great time. She encourages others on the field. She passes the ball. She helps the referee. She doesn't get mad. She is a real sport.





Be on the watch for what this sporty girl's future holds. She's a real winner!

Day on the Lake

We spent the Fourth of July at beautiful Lake Travis with some friends. Old and new.

Listening to the laughter of nine kids splashing in the lake was fun! Fearing one of my children was going to fall and bust it on a rock really badly, not so fun.

Watching the children float on the tube, try tricks and have a blast was fun! Seeing them bust it when the tube flipped, not fun at all.

Eating a meal sitting in the lawn chair soaking up some sun was fun! Carting enough stuff to stay there three days only to move it all again in three hours, not so fun.

Watching fireworks on the water was fun! Waiting hours to get the boat out of the water and up the ramp at the end of the day, not so fun.

Packing lightly and carrying bags up to the hotel was well, easy. Discovering that out of nine children three lost shoes in the lake and they were all my kids, not fun. Waiting until noon on 

Sunday for Old Navy next to our hotel to open so I could buy them new shoes, inconvenient, not fun.

Staying at a hotel with an awesome breakfast was fun. Having to leave before I was ready, not fun.

Coming home to a clean house was awesomely fun! Seeing it torn up after a good hour, not so much.

We had a great weekend. Makes me want to say it again, "I love summer!" 

Remember my camera bit the dust so I have no pictures but Andrew does so I'll update with pictures later. 

GratiTuesday!

"Each day proclaim the good news that he saves. Publish his glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things he does." Psalm 96:2-3

Beautiful words written by the Author of life itself that remind me to take a look at all that really matters in this life. And be filled with gratitude for it. All of it.

Here's a few. The week's top ten (in no particular order):

10. Healthy children who run, play and are free to be kids make my days brighter, busier and just plain better.

9. Being married to my best friend who thinks of me when we're apart...and then brings me a new giraffe laptop bag for my new BFF :)

8. Bunk beds, new paint and the patience & determination to make it happen.

7. P90X, Muscle Milk, my favorite workout buddy & commitment.

6. The smell of clean laundry.

5. Man's best friend.

4. Soccer camp.

3. Dreams that come true.

2. Prayer. It works.

1. Bloggy friends who encourage me, inspire me and have created this wonderful bloggy world where God has richly blessed me.

And last but not least, being intimately acquainted with the King of Kings who knows me completely and lavishes his great love on me for the glory of his name. I love you, Jesus!

"You thrill me Lord with all you have done for me, I sing for joy because of what you have done." Psalm 92:4

Ahem, Help Please!

Throughout seasons of life, help comes in many forms. Some years we've had a maid service and tons of babysitters. Paid help. Some years we've had grandmas and college friends. Love help.

As I've had to spend more time helping Andrew at the office over the last few years, help has always come. Friends who volunteer to run carpool when I'm late, friends who share cross town driving, college girls who fold laundry and children who become old enough to help with household chores. 

With the changing of seasons, I've felt a tad overwhelmed. When summer comes to Aggieland, things change. As much as we love our sunny days and pool passes, we miss our college girls and school year routine.

That can be translated as, "I need help!" 

This year our Elizabeth left. Sniff. Sniff. Our neighbors moved. Sniff. Sniff. People I was used to seeing here are gone. People I loved being around and counted on are gone. Some coming back but others not. 

The neighbors moved away and the children are still asking if they can come play. They know they're gone but it hasn't registered yet that they won't be back for school. Sad. College girls will be back and that's good but I feel God trying to make an exclamation point on my soul.

In times like these I can choose to feel forgotten, neglected and lonely or I can choose to go to the greatest source of help ever.

Where do I look for my help? My cell phone or my Lord? Whose name do I call on when I'm having trouble getting to camp on time? Where do I turn when the laundry is eight loads high and the toilet overflows? 

All too often I find myself wishing so-and-so was here. I think if only my children could all go to camp for a week, the same week, I could "get it all done." 

The reality is the second they set foot back in this house, I'd be just as behind as I ever was. Plus I'd be missing them, Not that camp is bad. It's just that I think I know what type of help I need. The truth is, I don't.

That's why the Psalmist tells us all about help. Whether it's help guarding their very life or help making it through the dark, fearful night, we are to know where our help comes from.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble...I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 46:1, 121:1-2)

I find it very interesting that Psalm 46 speaks of God's ever-present help in times of need in verse 1 and then further down in verse 10, "Be still and know that I am God."

Part of God's character is being an ever-present help. A help we cannot experience if we are not still. A help we cannot know if we are running around like chickens with our head cut off because we need help. Oh the ironies!

I'm not sure what form my help will take on but I'm sure help is coming because I know Where it's coming from.  "We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help..." (Psalm 33:20)

And just so I'm clear, know that this summer I have wonderful college babysitters. Lots of them. They take the children to the pool and the park and the dollar store and Sonic happy hour. They fill water balloons and attend happy birthday parties with teddy bears in bedrooms wrapped in toilet paper and homemade decorations. They make grilled cheese sandwiches and read library books and referee arguments. They play hide-and-seek, board games and listen to Hannah Montana until they're cross eyed. They avail themselves to my crazy schedule and love my kids unconditionally.

I'm just still a bit overwhelmed at times with life with The Smith Team and all they're activities,schedules, needs, personalities, habits and laundry. I love life with The Smith Team. It's a challenge I gladly meet head on! Let's just get one thing straight. I know where my help comes from...

"Unless the Lord had helped me, I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave. I cried out, “I am slipping!” but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." (Psalm 94:17-19) 

Beyond the Cage

This time of year always gets me thinking.  Pondering many things. July first rolls around and I spend time thinking of the sacrifices many others made for my freedom.

The soldiers who died defending it. The soldiers who killed Christ as he provided it.

A little over ten years ago, I was with a group of ladies that I was just getting to know. Awesome ladies. Ladies who love the Lord lots. Ladies who are a little further down this road called Life than I am. 

One stood and read a poem about fear. The image created was one of fear being a cage. The story was a young girl living "locked" in a cage only to find out when Christ came and lovingly let her out, the cage was never locked to begin with but she had been to0 afraid to try to even open it at all. 

Another lady began praying for me. She stopped, looked at me and said, "I think you are that girl. God is saying open the door and step out of your cage!"

I kind of panicked. I mean, really! Me, locked in a cage? I was fearless. I was outgoing, outspoken and out-of-my-mind thinking how crazy this sounded. I was many things but fearful and timid was not on that list.

But as she prayed, something in me lay bare. Raw in a new way. A very sweet and loving yet, humbly convicting way. I realized for the first time in my life that I was afraid to go forward with the Lord. I had been in a holding pattern waiting for a spot to land. What I considered a safe spot. I had been flying in circles for months, maybe even years.

Even as I realized there was some truth in this word from the Lord, I didn't throw the gate open and run as fast as I could. I waited. Timidly. I waited for God to gently take my hand and lead me out. one.small.step.at.a.time.

Not exactly the grand entrance to my new fear-free life I wanted. Nor was it the type of statement that I was known for. Still. It was a start. 

That vision appeared to me many times over the next ten years. It appeared to me as I birthed babies, mopped floors and shed tears. God used that picture to produce a hunger in me for more. 

More freedom. More steps. Bigger steps. 

More trust. More faith. Bigger.  More. 

Less fear. Much less. 

Because it was so long ago and this particular word had taken so long for me to unravel and fully grab hold of, I didn't talk about it much. Especially to the one who prayed it. It was just for me and God. I knew when he had done what he wanted in me concerning this cage, he would tell me. So I just pondered it and put it back in the cage of my mind.

Just a few months ago, that same lady prayed for me. This time she saw a different vision. She saw me on a horse. A fast horse. Quickly galloping up a tall mountain. as fast as I could go. (I imagine me laughing with sheer delight, eyes closed, face lifted as I fly up the mountain as fast as I possibly can with the wind blowing through my hair.) She looked at me and said, "This means freedom."

The Lord spoke to me in that moment.  He reminded me how he had used that same lady ten years earlier to pinpoint an area of fear in my life. An area in which he had and would always and forevermore prevail. As I shared that with my now friend and mentor, she laughed in bewilderment that our awesome God would take something she had no recollection of and use it so mightily for over a decade to transform my life. Then use her again to confirm he had done what he set out to do.

I love how God is like that. I love this cage-free life.

Now if I could just get on a horse...

"Oh, I'll guard with my life what you've revealed to me, guard it now, guard it ever; And I'll stride freely through wide open spaces as I look for your truth and your wisdom; Then I'll tell the world what I find, speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed." (Psalm 119:45-47 The Message) 

Freedom's Ring

In honor of the Fourth of July being Independence Day and all, I thought I'd rerun this blast from my past. Originally posted on last year's Fourth of July. Enjoy!

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

About ten years ago, I received a prophecy. I didn't quite understand it at the time but as the Lord carries me forward, I can look back. And, as the old saying goes, "Hindsight is 20/20."

As this wise woman of the Lord prayed over me she said she saw me taking an engagement ring off my finger and throwing it down in disappointment. She said she thought the ring was a representation of the promises of the Lord.

At the time, I knew I was disillusioned about some things, I just didn't want to admit it because I thought if it was hard to accept what God was doing in my life that it would mean I didn't love Him anymore. And, that, was the furthest thing from the truth...ever.

Now I can see that because my life wasn't particularly unfolding the way I thought it should, I was really questioning whether or not I truly believed if God and his promises are, in fact, good.

I did. I do.

I just couldn't see the goodness at the time. I had grown up in the church. I had been walking closely with the Lord for over ten years and I knew what "God's best" should look like in my life. I saw it all around me and others told me about it all the time. I just forgot to read the promise that tells us we can only see and know in part until God's revelation enlightens us. I was so unsure of myself, my calling, my purpose. I felt like my uniqueness was a curse, not a present, an invitation to freely be who I was created, by the only One who could set me free, to be.

I was ashamed of the way I felt and I didn't feel like I could take my questions to God, a very big God who can, in fact, handle my piddly, little questions. I was afraid of who I really was and just like Adam and Eve, I hid.

As the years have passed, I have become brave enough to voice my questions and wise enough to never forget that God's goodness is always evident if we see through his eyes. I have learned to fear the Lord and to question his ways less. I have learned that his ways are not ours and understanding everything would negate the need for faith.

I have left behind my preconceived notions of what a "blessed Christian life" looks like and learned to see the blessedness in my own Christian life.

I have learned to embrace the present, look toward the future and learn from the past and then simply leave it there.

In spite of the long way I have to go, I have experienced freedom's call and its release. I have picked up all the promises I so hastily threw down and have begun to let my life shamelessly dazzle with the sparkle of True Love.

As I placed that ring of promise back on my finger, the bells began to ring and my life had...the ring of freedom!

Her Story is History

I have a friend who is battling cancer right now.  She has a story worth hearing.

April has been battling cancer for about two and a half years.  She has an almost-two-year-old daughter, Jordan.  April is a beautiful woman on the inside and out that I just can't stop praying for.  She was at a retreat I was at in April and although, she knew she had a tumor, she didn't know what the future would hold.  Here's her story. (What I know of it and I hope I don't butcher it!)

A little over two years ago, April became pregnant.  During the course of that pregnancy, April's doctor found some cancer.  That doctor and all other doctors told April she needed to "terminate the pregnancy" in order to save herself. She needed to begin chemo immediately.

Against all medical advice, she chose to continue with the pregnancy giving Jordan life.  She trusted God with her own. All doctors told her that her baby would be sick having many birth defects so this was not a wise decision.  April values life like God does and had peace with her choice.

Jordan was born healthy. All of April's doctors publicly declared this a miracle. April underwent cancer treatment and went into remission. The cancer did not return and God received much glory. 

The testimony was powerful. Make God's choices your own, God's values your own and He will bless you.

And then.  Just a few months ago the cancer returned. With a vengeance.  It is inoperable.  

What happens to the story at that point? April has been determined that God will get glory in her life. As she fights this horrible disease with all of her strength, many, many others are praying. They are holding up their swords while down on their knees as they proclaim the word of God in prayer. A common thread through the prayers has been, "Let April live!"

We all know that it doesn't matter how things look to the medical world or those watching. There are others watching in expectation for God to do something big and something great.

I'm not sure how the cancer will be treated. In the last two months April has undergone extensive surgery to learn about the tumor which has attached to the bone, stayed in the hospital for many, many weeks trying to manage pain, taken much medication with horrendous side effects and been unable to care for her family in the way she desires.

Each time I pray for April, I see the same vision. I close my eyes and there it is. April is sharing her story with groups of women. I do not know April's story beyond what I have shared here. I really don't know April except a few smiles, tears and prayers at one women's retreat in April.

But I have begun to pray that God would use her story. 

This is the conversation I had with God.

Lord, use her story.

Her story is my story.

Yes, Lord, I know that.  Use this suffering for your glory.

Do you know what my story is?

Yes, Lord, your story is His Story.

Pray that.

Lord, please make her story History.

Please join me in praying that her story would be his. History. I am specifically praying that the cancer part of her story would be history. His story. Told. To others. Shared. With power.

Would you join me? 

"Your very life is a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives—and we publish it." 2 Corinthians 3:3

The King's Table

"Don't demand an audience with the king...It's better to wait for an invitation to the head table." Proverbs 25:6-7

The invitation is extended to us. Every day. An open invitation. To sit at the king's table. And dine. Feasting. Talking about the day. Pouring out hearts. 

As I pour out my own heart, the King of Kings listens.

Audience with the King.

We have it.

One thing that strikes me about the word invitation is that to be invited means you have advance notice of the event. You have time to prepare. Time to put on a special dress. Time to get excited. Time to think about what you will say and do and how you will act. Preparation.

How often do I demand that God listen to me. Asserting my rights as I vent my feelings, my needs, my list to the King. Demanding an audience.  Demanding He listen. Listen with the intent that something will be done to change things!!!

I know all too well what it feels like to not receive an invitation. It hurts. Feeling rejected and left out of the fun is a feeling I'd rather not have to experience again. Being set aside and passed over as another is chosen is a position I hate to hold. I can create my own place. I've become an expert at it over the years in an attempt to mask the pain I feel when I don't get the invitation. 

But still, even though I''m there, I hurt. I'm self conscious. Feeling as if I've barged in on someone else's party is not a great feeling either. So I've learned to wait. Wait for an invitation.

What refreshment comes when an invitation is offered! Extended. I love how restoration occurs when I've poured my heart out to God at his request. 

As I wait on his presence, he always offers an invitation. Sometimes it is to speak. Sometimes it is to sit. Sometimes it is to receive. Funny thing is all of those revive my heart in his presence.

"You prepare a table before me  in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Psalm 23:5